Follow

the drama is making me really angry mainly because people are shitting out the /horrible/ take that adults and minors cannot be friends without it being "creepy".

fuck that shit. fuck that shit to Hades and back. this is the kind of shit that ruins our already fucked up community so much more. you're not doing risk reduction here, you're just making shit weird when it's not.

i am friends with my coworkers. i have been working with them since i was 16; they are grad students. that is not a fucking creepy relationship, and honestly fuck you if you assume minors being friends with not-minors is problematic.

i am really disappointed in some of y'all. the tactics you're using to dehumanize and remove agency from people who happen to be below a ridiculous, arbitrary age cutoff of 18 are the same as those used by bigots to say that minors' identities are invalid.

i am so, so, _so_, disappointed. it's not just here; this sort of outlook is systemic throughout queer communities. stop fucking telling kids to just "stay in their corner and play". this does not feel like the queer community i thought would welcome me when i was younger.

we can be mindful of predators without assuming friendships are bad. we can stop fucking pretending everything in the queer community is about sex, too, while we're at it.

also please note i am using "queer communities" as shorthand. i'm sorry if it's not a comfortable term for you, and i would never use it to specifically refer to people without their consent! but i feel like it's appropriate as an overall term here instead of trying to shoehorn in "lgbtq+" or a tasteless anagram like "quiltbag"

@er1n fucked up that we even need to be saying this, srsly

age issues, society's paranoia 

age issues, society's paranoia 

age issues, society's paranoia, UK legal anomaly 

@er1n deleted a pretty triggery untagged post jn but ye, shit sucks and queer folx need to do better

@merlose_loire that was a pretty good take from what i saw

and yeah, people need to take responsibility for their own behavior, not just push kids away

age inappropriate relationships(-) 

@er1n I hope I didn't accidentally start this stuff >.<

@er1n the timing of it all is very unfortunate then...

but maybe what I said isn't as related as it seems... but it does feel related somehow :(

@er1n some of my best friends atm are adults, and the absolute worst friends i'd ever had were minors who were both around the same age as me and even younger. they were toxic, nasty shitheads, but the grand majority of the adults i've been friends with online have been extremely nice

@er1n are you… one of them… child geniuses? or were you just poor and had to work?

@meena i would not self-describe as the former, but other annoying people might. the latter is true; i didn't have to work, but it certainly helps.

dark (probably self-reflective) 

dark (probably self-reflective) 

dark (probably self-reflective) 

@er1n

When I was a kid I often related to adults better than with other kids. I'd hate to have lost out on some of those friendships because the adults were afraid of someone misconstruing their intent.

discourse, age issues 

Age discourse 

Age discourse 

@er1n My problem re: that whole take is it reduces minors to less than human. Minors need adult friends because the point of not being an adult is to become one. You don't magically become capable at 18. Nor should you sit on your hands for 18 fucking years (especially as a marginalized youth) doing nothing to better yourself until the magic day when you take up the sword of Adulting and begin your training. Having adult friends is great for networking which I learned thoroughly at the start of my adult life. Also can we just acknowledge how utterly bizarre and abnormal it is to shove some 16 or 17 year old away from you? That kinda suggests an abnormal mindset from my POV. If not a "protests too much" one then at the least one which is indicative of how bloodthirsty internet groups get for sniffing out predators, to a great deal of accusation with no basis -> leading to the aforementioned terror at someone under 18 even mentioning them. The whole situation is just all kinds of fucked up from start to finish and I don't even know where to go with all this from here.

@er1n I guess one more asspull for the drama lovers still reading this garbage: if I knew I could have a queer adult friend in high school, I could've come out sooner and realized who I was instead of wondering why the very concept of men grossed me out and I was so broken. HS is fucking brutal to marginalized kids. You will EAT SHIT if you come out to the wrong people and it will follow you forever. Being able to trust someone with their shit together and not in your enclosed community of rotten children programmed by parents and society to hate you is a godsend. I can't even imagine a life like that. Fuck ANYONE who would take that away from kids who need it over some bullshit stranger danger hand-wringing. You sound like libs.

@er1n Oh, fuck, which drama is this? *Flashbacks to awful, awful Tumblr bullshit... which she's free from, since Tumblr deleted her account for something she didn't even do and she can't get them to answer her on pointing that out, plus the purge killed off a lot interest anyway.*

@er1n This discourse is encouraging. A very close friend is nearly 20 years older than me. Now I have friends 15 years younger.

I've also read Bowling Alone et al on the various ways American society (in particular) is unraveling. A big one: age stratification has increased profoundly since the 1970s.

A veteran shrink I used to see once told me that the biggest hole in our society is church-shaped: a regularly attended _mixed age_ group where people befriend other regulars. He emphasized that.

@er1n Young people end up wandering in the woods a lot more than they need to if they don't have good adults in their lives, and on a friend basis, not with the remove of a teacher or coach.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Mastodon

A small Mastodon instance run by Erin for herself and her friends.