dog faggot @er1n@social.mecanis.me

i'm a lot happier with myself as a person. i've been on hrt for, what, two years? and also don't rly process dysphoria after so long and such a shifted view. i love being a jankass faggot fuck and i love calling myself a tit twink and i genuinely don't *care* if i'm misgendered most of the time because i can make it funny. laugh and the whole world laughs with you—

but yeah. it's insane having a time machine to 17 year old me, four years later, and looking at how much i've changed. and regardless — i'm so so proud of her. she was trying so hard and did her best. i love her with all my heart. she grew a better life, and also got worse in funny ways.

i actually make music i'm proud of now, to an extent. i've been into hyperpop since it's been a thing and i'm gradually becoming part of the scene to whatever degree it exists, which is so so so cool. check out http://sleepy.zone btw! a friend and i run an internet radio that plays a lot of funny internet music <3

i play video games a lot more now. i'm a source engine bitch. skilled a bunch into tf2. i don't read as much today, and when i do it's shit like the ccru compilation or fuckass 70s pamphlets.

and trailing into that, i'm definitely still leftist but a lotta ppl r really cringe and don't think about the *concept engineering* required to implement stuff. which is why i appreciate accelerationist angles and analysis/construction of hyperstitional complexes.

it's wild reading this back !! i don't consider myself a woman anymore - maybe a girl, usually a twink, always a faggot. i've found more kinship with the structures of fuckshit gayboys than cisfem reifications of queerness.

similarly, i don't define my attraction in terms of "likes women" now. i guess if i had to reify: i'm into people who have to struggle against society and gender to eke out a level of femininity.

my ocd is largely dealt with. i have other issues which don't fit in this margin now...

my name is now legally erin petra sofiya moon, which is cool.

rustodon is dead. i've talked about this before but the reasons are complicated and it was a good learning experience, both technically and for the community.

i don't do ml research anymore. fuck that

that i log in about every six months and post about how i wish fedi were smaller is probably a bad sign

note that i'm not talking about the million fucking clownishly racist admins who've noped out and gone back to whatever circles will support their behavior rather than changing anything. i'm talking about people who went through stress, love, fear, trauma, comfort, in the confines of these four columns, and came to find other spaces more adaptive

and i suspect that of the 1272 i follow, many are as well – whether having gotten bored of fedi, or feeling unwelcome, or [a million other things]. some of them i know are gone from the internet, in varying senses of that phrase

i wonder how many of the 2200 accounts following me are inactive. probably a huge amount...

mastodon is a webapp that makes you type "computers are bad" into it, even when you don't believe that

it feels pointless to not have some sort of deeply buried server-side config toggle for "search posts on single user instance" given that i 1. use social.mecanis.me's five+-year history as an exocortex and 2. can do this just with psql